How to Ask a Woman Out on a Date

Your heart begins to thump in your chest as you catch sight of her out of the corner of your eye. Your hands tremble and shake as you admire her long wavy hair and her amazing figure. Sickness rises in your stomach as you stand there and wish that you could be with her. Your wobbly knees start to give out on you as you fail to muster the courage to go talk to her. She walks away, leaving you standing there in a puddle of what used to be your self-esteem. That’s when the negative self-talk kicks in:

“Why couldn’t I talk to her? I’m such a loser.”

“Doesn’t matter anyway, she would never be interested in me…”

“She probably has a boyfriend so it wouldn’t have mattered…”

Most of us have experienced something like this at some point in our lives. The difference is that some of us learn from it and some of us don’t. Which person are you? Are you going to allow yourself to experience this over and over again? Or… Can you learn and adapt so that next time you reach a different outcome?

Learning how to talk to women can be the most difficult thing a man ever has to learn. Some never actually do. Others just seem to come by it naturally, which makes us think that we all should be like that. Granted, some guys just have an easier time walking up and talking to any woman they see, however, the rest of us have to learn.

It’s a normal thing to think that you should just naturally have those skills. Do you think that Tiger Woods just picked up some golf clubs and was suddenly amazing? Do you think that Michael Jordan picked up a basketball one day, and then won six NBA championships a couple weeks later? Sure, some people have natural talent but even people with talent have to work hard if they want to be good at something.

Will you ever be a professional basketball player or join the PGA tour? Probably not, but if you’re willing to put in the time, hard work and practice, you can still be pretty darn good. The same goes for talking, approaching, and asking a woman out on a date. Will you ever be able to pick up women like Brad Pitt or George Clooney? Probably not, but you can still master some skills that will make you pretty good at it.

Let’s talk about some of the things you’re going to need to master in order to be successful asking women out on dates…

CONFIDENCE

I know you’ve heard this one before. That’s what everyone says right?

“Be confident. Be yourself.”

Sort of ironic isn’t it? It’s interesting for someone to tell you to be confident and be yourself all at the same time, especially when you don’t already have confidence in yourself. Then what do you do? If you act like yourself you’re not being confident and if you act confident, it feels s like you’re not being yourself. It feels like a lose/lose situation.

They’re giving you bad advice without even knowing it. What they’re really trying to say is “believe in yourself.” It’s easy for everyone else to say that you should have confidence and much harder to execute. I understand this. First let’s talk about why it’s important to always be confident when you’re talking to women you’re interested in.
Women love confident men. Women want to be with a man that knows himself, knows what he wants, and knows how to get it. I’m not talking about arrogance. Men get that confused with confidence way too easily. I’m talking about a man that believes in himself, knows his strengths (and weaknesses), and is not afraid of what other people think of him.

Confident men are not afraid of rejection because they know that it doesn’t matter what one person thinks. When you can’t walk up and talk to a woman, it’s because you’re afraid of rejection. You’re afraid that her rejection means something about you personally. You’re afraid that her rejecting you means that you’re not worthy of a woman period. The difference between a man who can talk to women, and one who can’t, is that he knows that one woman’s rejection doesn’t mean anything. They know that they don’t need her approval to feel good about themselves.

The interesting thing is that the woman knows this. That’s why most women are not attracted to men who are too shy and afraid to talk to them. They know that it is a direct reflection of their self-esteem. Would you want to be with someone who doesn’t like themselves? If you don’t like yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? You know yourself better than anyone, and if you don’t like yourself why would anyone else want to?

That’s why it’s so important to get yourself together and build confidence in yourself first, before you try to talk to women. If you’re not confident, she’s going to know it very quickly. You’re not going to fool her for long by faking it.

The main difference between a man with confidence and one without, is that the man with confidence knows all of his faults and loves himself anyway. He still thinks he’s a great person despite having weaknesses. We tend to think that in order to be confident we have to hide our faults or pretend like they don’t exist, when that is actually detrimental to confidence building. Admit your weaknesses and love yourself anyway. When you reach that point, you’ll have a much easier time talking to and approaching women.

Here’s a quick tip for building reducing your “approach anxiety” (fear of rejection): Go to a mall or an event where you know there will be a ton of women. Then simply walk up to a woman you wouldn’t normally talk to and say this: “Hi, my name is ______. I’m trying to get over my shyness by introducing myself to beautiful women.” Then thank her and walk away. Don’t try to get her number or talk to her for a long time. You need to do it without having an agenda. If you’ve got an agenda, most women will smell it a mile away. You’ll find that women are actually pretty nice, for the most part, and the simple act of approaching women will seem a lot less intimidating. Just make sure you don’t do that to women who have boyfriends or husbands with them, you might encounter other problems if that is the case!

BODY LANGUAGE

Most people vastly underestimate the importance of body language. Most people read your body language first and then hear the words you say. If your posture is bad and you’re fidgeting a lot, that’s going to be a distraction from what you’re trying to do.
The first issue is getting confidence in yourself, because once you do that, you’ll find that your body language will follow. Most of us don’t realize that what we think of ourselves is visible in how we act, walk, stand, talk, and move in general. It is something that we do subconsciously. You can physically control it, but that becomes difficult when doing other things like, say for instance, talking to a woman that you’re incredibly attracted to.

The most important thing is to get confidence because then you’ll start to do some of this naturally, but there are some things you can work on in the mean time. Men who are confident in themselves tend to move slower, talk slower, and take up more space. Crossing your legs and arms typically means you’re guarded or defensive so try and avoid that.

Try to make eye contact and keep it without staring her down. If she looks at you and you look away quickly, that tends to mean you’re shy and afraid she caught you staring. Try to smile some, but not too much. Most guys smile big the entire time and makes them look like they’ve never talked to a woman before and they’re just glad that she’s in their presence. People who have low self-esteem tend to have bad posture and fidget a lot, so try to avoid that if you can as well.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SAY?

While it may be true that it’s more important how you say it than what you say, you still need to know what you’re going to say before you walk up to her. That doesn’t mean that you’re going to be able to script out every last word, but you still need to have a general plan of action. When you do anything without a plan, that generally leads to disaster.

Two things are important here, planning and execution. Just like in sports. A coach lays out the game plan, and then you practice that plan for the game. Things almost never go exactly to plan, but that’s okay because you’re going to be better equipped for those things when you’ve been practicing.

You need to think of things that you want to say, and practice how you want to say them. As ridiculous as it might sound, stand in front of a mirror and practice saying what you want to say.
Technically, you can say whatever you want, but I do have some recommendations:

Never use pick-up lines. Cheesy lines very rarely work and will most likely get you laughed or scoffed at. Just don’t do it.

Don’t spend too long rambling on about your cats or your mom or anything else for that matter. Introduce yourself, engage her in a very short conversation, and then ask her out. If you spend too long on irrelevant things, you’re going to increase your chances of her blowing you off.

You don’t need to use any canned lines to ask her for a phone number or email. What you want to do is say something relevant and/or funny to whatever is going on in that situation. Just simply introduce yourself, and ask if she’s single. Don’t ask if she has a boyfriend, ask if she is single. Most guys will say something like: “You probably have a boyfriend right?”

This question puts her in a weird position. If she says “no,” then it automatically implies that she’s interested in you. Whereas if you ask if she is single, she can say “yes” with no implication that she has to talk or go out with you. Asking her if she has a boyfriend backs her into a corner, and is why a lot of women will lie and say that they do. She isn’t sure about you yet and would rather take the safe road than give you an invitation. If you ask if she is single as opposed to if she has a boyfriend, she’ll be more likely to tell you the truth.

Nevertheless, practice, practice, practice what you are going to say!

LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION

I think a lot people forget to factor in their surroundings when approaching women. I’ve seen guys hit the clubs and bar scene really aggressively and come out empty handed and severely depressed. While it’s possible to pick up women practically anywhere, we do need to take into account where we are at the time.

Different places are going to have different types of women all in different mental states at any given time. Despite how it might seem, clubs and bars are much more difficult places to approach women. Sometimes women go out to clubs to dance and reject men. That’s they’re whole agenda. Some women like rejecting men because it makes them feel powerful and in control. Where are you most likely to get “hit” on? Clubs and bars of course. So don’t take it personally if a woman rejects you in a bar or club. You have to take into consideration the million other factors at play right then.

Maybe she just went through a bad breakup or divorce? Maybe she had a bad day? Maybe she’s had nothing but losers hitting on her all day and takes it out on you? The point is, don’t take it personally.

There are a lot of good places to ask women out. Grocery stores, malls, fairs, carnivals, festivals, outdoor events, the gym, and practically anywhere that there are women. Be creative and think of things women like to do and places that women are. Maybe taking a cooking class? You’ll find women everywhere, just make sure you take where you are into consideration. A dark alley is not the place to first approach a woman. She might think you’re a mugger, rapist, etc. I think you get the idea.

We talked about a lot of different aspects of asking a woman out, but the most important factor is your confidence. Having confidence in yourself is the most important thing, and is going to have the greatest impact on your success with women. Work on that, and you’ll find that women will be interested in you and you won’t have to make so much effort to attract them.

If you want others to love you, you have to love yourself first.