How to Get Your Girlfriend Back - The Series - Part 4 - Self Discovery

We have discussed why the break-up happened in the first place.  We then talked about what not to do immediately after.  Now we need to talk about you.   You need to discover who you really are.
Chances are, you were too busy trying to please the woman that you were with to pay any attention to yourself.  It sounds like an egotistical thing to do, but that what you need right now.  You need to be a little egotistical.  Break-up (and the relationships that preceded them) are very tough on us mentally.  We need a break to regroup and recharge our batteries.

You're not going to get that time if you're calling her and doing other things trying to get in touch with her and see her.  Like I said in the previous post, do not contact her for any reason.  If she contacts you, great, but do not initiate any contact with her whatsoever.

What you need right now is time.  You need time to heal yourself from the break-up.  You need time to get over her.  Most importantly, you need time to discover your true self.

When we are in relationships, we can easily lose sight of ourselves because we are too worried about what the other person thinks and feels.  As those relationships gradually get worse, we lose more and more of ourselves because we are too worried about being what the other person wants.  We're so worried about them leaving that we can forget who we are entirely.

It's not just men either, women do that too.

It happens when a relationship is imbalanced.  When one person has more power or control over the other person.  Have you ever heard the saying: "Whoever loves the least, controls the relationship?"  Unfortunately, it's more true than we would all like to admit.

Take some time off from obsessing over getting her back right now.  I know that's easier said that done.  When you try not to think of her, it makes you think of her more.  Instead of trying to force those thoughts and memories of her out, try allowing yourself to feel and think them.  Allow yourself to fully feel the pain of this break-up.  Allow yourself to think about all of the things that made you happy, etc.

A lot of people will tell you to distract yourself, but that only sweeps things under the rug.  You'll then be a year down the road and still have not dealt with the issues of your break-up.  Allow yourself to be sad about it.  Just don't drown yourself in your sorrows.  It's okay to be angry, sad, mad, upset, and/or crying about what happened.  Deal with those issues.

Instead of distracting yourself, find something that allows you to get your frustrations out.  What makes you feel good?  Some people like to go to the gym and work off their frustration.  I would highly recommend exercise.  It is a great way to relieve stress.  Find things that you like to do that allow you to vent your frustrations.

Do you like to write?  Start a journal or a blog and write about all of your thoughts, frustrations, joys, etc.  If you're sad, write about being sad.  Just allow yourself to feel what it is you're feeling.  If you don't, you will bottle it up and it will come out at a later date at the wrong time and place.

Do you play sports?  Join a softball league or a golf team.  Whatever sport you are into that allows you to physically vent, do it.

How about video games?  A lot of guys play video games.  Some friends have told me that when they have stress build up they like to put in Halo, Grand Theft Auto, etc. and shoot things.

Do the things that you love to do.  You don't need to occupy yourself to keep your mind off of her, you just need to be doing what you want to be doing.  I'm sure there were lots of things that you wanted to do when you were with her that you couldn't.  Do those things now.

Did you want a tattoo, but she wouldn't let you get one?  Do it.  Did you want to spend money on things for your car but she wouldn't let you?  Do it now.

Do what you love to do. 

Whatever you do, DO NOT try to force yourself to feel something you don't feel.  If you're not over her, then don't try to lie to yourself and say that you are.  If you still love her, you still love her.  It's okay to feel what you are feeling.  Don't let anyone tell you that you should be feeling something other that what you are.

Everyone deals with things in different ways.  Allow yourself to deal with it the way that your brain wants to do it.  You'll a lot better off in the long run and you'll be in a better place to win her back, if that even ends up being what you want.

Maynard Black
elovelesson.com

Passport and Travel to Manila, Philippines

It's amazing how unflattering a photo can be with just some minor issues.  Not that this is a terrible photo...  I have definitely seen worse pictures taken of me.

This is my passport photo.  Weird how just a minor lighting issue can make it look like I have a mullet.  I also never noticed that my hair was crooked or that I had a double chin.

I have never had a passport until a couple weeks ago.  I had to apply for one because I am traveling out of the country this weekend.  The company that I work for is sending me to the Philippines because we have a call center there.

My job is essentially assessing the quality of customer service we provide and implementing solutions to make it better.  It's an interesting job at times, especially when you're dealing with customer service representatives in other countries helping Americans over the phone.

It's very difficult to teach proper customer service to people from different cultures.  They don't have the same idea of excellent service that we do.  It's not that they don't understand how to be nice, but they see good customer service as overly professional and everything being done by the book.  That is what they expect of them there, but we've come to realize here in the US that good customer service is a balance between getting results and showing that you care about the customer.

Your first priority is to get the issue resolved, however, even if the customer gets what they want, they aren't going to come away from the call feeling good about the experience unless the rep made it clear that they cared about the caller.  People want to call into a company and reach someone that legitimately cares about their business, wants to help them, and wants to be speaking with them.

We've grown tired of companies skimping on customer service.  We're sick of our calls getting sent to India where we get "Steve" who is difficult to understand and doesn't answer your questions or resolve the problem.

We want to hear a warm and friendly voice on the other end of that phone.  We want someone who values our time and business no matter how large a client we are.  We want a balance of respect and empathy.

These are concepts that are not easy to teach.  I have to teach people how to carry on a normal conversation with our customers while still paying attention to the technical aspects and requirements of the call.

So that's what I'm being sent half-way around the world to do.  I've never been off of the North American continent before (except Hawaii, if that even counts).  I've been to Canada and Mexico, but never anywhere where I needed a passport.  It should be interesting.

I leave on Sunday, January 24th, and I will update here as much as possible with my experiences while in Manila, Philippines.

Vikings Defeat Cowboys - Controversial Late Touchdown

The final four teams in the NFL playoffs have been decided.  There was only one big shocker, and that was the Jets.  They came on strong late and have been a tough team to deal with this post season.

What I thought was hilarious this weekend was the tantrum thrown by Keith Brooking and some Dallas fans after the game today.

The Cowboys turned the ball over on downs on their own 37 yard line.  Minnesota ends up in a 4th and 3 situation with 1:55 left to play.  The Vikings were up 27-3 at this point.  A coach would typically either kick the field goal or just run the ball to take more time off the clock.  The Vikings didn't do that.

Brett Favre threw his 4th touchdown pass of the game on that play.  Afterwards Brooking ran over to the Minnesota sideline screaming who knows what.  After the game he called the play "classless."  He and other Dallas fans say that they were "running up the score."

I get that their million dollar egos were a little bruised after being beaten so badly, but at some point you have to grow up.  This is the big leagues.  You're getting paid millions of dollars to play a game at a professional level.  You don't stop until 60 minutes are up.

Not only that, but this is the playoffs we're talking about.  This isn't a series like basketball or baseball...  You either win or you go home.

No, the Vikings didn't need the touchdown to win but why should they stop playing just because it looks like they will probably win?  You're paid to play a game and you don't stop until it's done. 

This is why Brett Favre came out of retirement yet again.  He didn't come back to give mercy to other teams.  He came back to win, and you don't hold back in a playoff game while that clock is ticking.

Kimmel Takes More Shots at Leno

I spent yesterday ranting about the Leno vs Conan drama going on at NBC.  Why should today's post be any different?

Kimmel took a shot at Leno on Tuesday by dressing up as him with a fake chin, gray wig, and a lisp.  He even went as far as to emulate Leno's style of comedy with lame jokes and corny one-liners.

In a political move, Leno attempted to show that he was okay with people taking pot shots at him by having Kimmel on his show for his "10 questions" bit.  Kimmel let him have it by calling him out on his return to The Tonight Show.

Leno asked Kimmel what his greatest prank was.  Kimmel replied by saying that he told a guy five years ago that he'd give him his show and when the five years came around he took it back.

I think it was a total publicity stunt by Leno to have Kimmel on the show in the first place.  Leno was trying, yet again, to look like the good guy in the situation.  He wants to salvage a reputation that is far beyond repair at this point.  It's amazing to me that he can go on the air.

Leno wants to act like he is innocent, but the fact of the matter is that he said he wanted the Tonight Show back way back in November 09.  Leno's 10pm show tanked and they decided that they wanted him back at the 11:30 time slot.  It's really annoying to me when people try to act like Leno is innocent in all of this.  If Leno didn't want the show back, NBC wouldn't be kicking Conan out.

Yes Conan's ratings have been low, but he's only had the show for 7 months.  Leno's show tanked and ruined Conan's lead in.  Local affiliates were losing millions because no one was watching Leno's show and therefore the local NBC news.  How is Conan supposed to get ratings when no one is watching the local news on that channel?

Let's also not forget that when Leno took over The Tonight Show, Letterman mopped the floor with him in the ratings for 18 months.  Then came the infamous show with Hugh Grant after being arrested for soliciting a prostitute and NBC built a solid prime time line-up.

Conan hasn't had the network support or enough time to build a solid viewership.  When Leno takes the chair at 11:30, I will not be watching.

Jimmy Kimmel Mocks Jay Leno

If you have a chance, you have to check out Jimmy Kimmel making fun of Jay Leno.  He does an amazing impersonation that goes way beyond the plastic chin, lisp, and gray wig.  He stays in character the entire show and constantly makes lame joke after lame joke just like Leno.

I'm pretty sure that you have figured out that I'm not on "Team Leno."  I sided with him when he and Letterman were fighting for The Tonight Show back in the early 90's.  I was never a huge fan of Letterman's humor, and naturally gravitated to Leno's show.

However, given the circumstances of this new debacle, it's pretty clear who the giant chinned asshole is.  I wish I could go back in time and support Letterman.  Jay Leno is just a selfish ass-clown that wants what he wants and doesn't give a shit who is in the way. 

He said six years ago that he was stepping down from The Tonight Show and handing the reigns to Conan O'Brien.  Now the jack-ass tanks in the 10pm slot and wants to move back.  Well, there's a reason they say you can never go home again.  It's not going to be the same and I don't think that he's going to get the support of as many people as he did back when it was he and Letterman going at it.

People can clearly see in this instance that Conan is the one who got steam-rolled by Leno and the network.

It's sad to see Conan's dream crushed in this way and I hope that he comes out of the other end all the better for it.  Hopefully the rumors of him going to Fox to have a late night show there are true.  I've been a fan of Conan's for years.  He deserves to have his show at the 11:30 time slot.

I think the fact that both Letterman and Kimmel support Conan is pretty telling of what Jay Leno is really like...

Pete Carroll's Power

So it sounds like the Seahawks are pretty serious about Pete Carroll. He is not only going to be the head coach, but he is also the "Executive Vice President of Football Operations." It sounds like a fancy title that means absolutely nothing, but I'm not so sure that will be the case.

Tod Leiweke has reported that Carroll we take part in all of the GM interviews and the new candidate will need Carroll's "100% approval" before hiring. That sounds like a lot of power to me.

I don't follow college football that much, so I really don't know much about Carroll or his tenure at USC. I have read his stats, the 97-19 record, and heard about how his initial head coaching jobs in the 90's were widely viewed as failures. While his NFL record is mediocre, I really don't know how coaching teams to the playoffs two years in a row with the Patriots can be seen as failures. Nevertheless, I don't know him or even really "of" him. I've only heard and read what the media is telling me now.

Is he the guy for the job? A lot of people have opinions on that subject. I have no idea. I don't really have high hopes. I can say that much. The last Seattle coach to come from college was Dennis Erickson. A few DWI's and losing seasons later, he was gone.

Despite Carroll's "rah rah" mentality, I'm feeling pretty melancholy about the whole thing. I think that I still mourning the loss of Mike Holmgren. He took a team that nobody even noticed and turned it into a respectable organization. The fact of the matter is that he knew what he was doing.

How did the Seahawks repay him? By stripping him of his GM powers, and then dismissing him when he clearly wanted to come back to the front office. He said that it was not about the money. He wanted to run an organization. The Browns were willing to do that. Why weren't the Seattle Seahawks?

I'll tell you why, the Seahawks front office ego got too large. When Holmgren came in and turned things around, they let him do all of the dirty work and then decided they wanted in on it. Not dissimilar to how you might ask someone to do something for you that you don't know how to do. They get you started and then you jump in there, "Lemme do it! Lemme do it!" and take over.

Holmgren inherited a Jon Kitna and Ricky Watters team and turned it into a Matt Hasselbeck and Shaun Alexander team. He brought those guys in.

People might point to the fact that the year the Seahawks went to the Superbowl was the year that Ruskell joined the team. Ruskell didn't push the Seahawks over the edge and take them to the big game. He rode on Holmgren's shoulders into Detroit for Superbowl XL that year.

Holmgren laid the foundation of that team in the first four years he was GM and coach. He turned the Seahawks into a respectable organization. Bob Whitsitt, Tim Ruskell, and Tod Leiweke have all tried to stand on his shoulders and take credit for his greatness. They were unsuccessful. The Browns might not be the ideal franchise to inherit, but they really are greener pastures than the ones in Seattle. He was smart not to come back to a team that disrespected him despite everything he did to build it.

It makes me sick that the Seahawks front office wants to take credit for the past ten years of relative success. It wasn't any of them that did it. It was Mike Holmgren. They screwed over the best thing that ever happened to that team.

Will Carroll the next Mike Holmgren? I don't know, but I definitely wouldn't hold my breath.

How to Get Your Girlfriend Back - The Series - Part 3

Now that we have outlined the most likely reasons why you're no longer with her, let's take a look at what you need to do now that the relationship is over.

The time immediately after the break-up is critical.  I can't stress how important it is not to screw up right now.  What you do right now will make or break your chances of getting back with her later on.  The concept you need to grasp is that she is not going to get back together with you right away.

I know the relationship is fresh in your mind and it seems like there is only a needle thin barrier between you and her, but that's not the case at all.  It seems like you're so close that all you have to do is nudge things over the edge and you'll be together again.  I'm sorry to burst your bubble, rain on your parade, and piss in your cheerios but that's not going to happen and you need to wake up.

She's gone and you have to accept that.  Just do it.  Don't argue with me about this and that and blah blah blah.  It doesn't matter.  It's over.  Get that through your head.

You're trying to trust your mind, but your brain isn't the most reliable source of information right now.  Your mind didn't stop her from leaving you did it?  You trusted your own logic and thought processes and look where that got you...  You need to let go of what you think you know.

I've talked to so many guys in this situation and they want to throw up all of these things that block their own progress. 

"Well last week she told me she loved me." 

"When we broke up she said she loved me and that there might be a shot for us down the road."

"She told me that things changed because I did __________."

"She said that she just needed a little space for awhile, then we might give it another chance."

Her brain doesn't work like yours.  For the most part, you need to ignore what she told you when you broke up.  Most likely she lied to you to spare your feelings.  Women typically will care more about your feelings when they break up with you than they did for the entirety of your relationship.

If she told you that you're too "needy" or "clingy," then she was probably telling the truth.  THAT you do need to listen to, because that's honest feedback that you need to account for.  If she told you not to contact her for awhile, you need to listen to that too.  Most women won't be that honest, but if they are, that's a bonus for you because it will give you a clearer picture of what is going on in her mind.

The reality is that no matter how much she says she loves you and says you might have another chance, she is lying.  You won't get that chance, and the fact of the matter is that if she was in love with you, she would be with you.  Bottom line.  So you need to forget about all of those things that your mind is replaying that gives you hope of an immediate recovery.  IT WON'T HAPPEN.

Regardless of your situation, she needs time, and so do you.  You both need to spend time apart if you want any shot of getting back together with her.  Again, forget about any immediate getting back together.  It's too soon, and even if by some miracle from God it did happen, things will only end badly again because nothing was fixed.  It would be the same two people getting back together with the same problems and will break up again for the same reasons.

I know it doesn't sound like much advice, but right now the best thing you can do is ACCEPT THAT IT'S OVER.  You need to greave and mourn the loss of the relationship.  You can't skip this.  It is a vital part of the healing process.  Yes, you have to heal first.

Do not call her.  Do not text her.  Do not email her.  Do not send her flowers.  Do not send her love notes.  Do not send her chocolates.  Do not stop by her house.  Do not call her friends.  Do not call her parents. Do not call her friends' parents.  Do not contact her in any way.

She needs space and so do you.  Contacting her now will only make you seem more like the pussy that you are and further lessen your chances of getting back together with her.  You need to focus on you.  You need to take the time to heal after this loss and accept the fact that there is no "us" anymore, just you.

Once you have done that, you will be in a much better position to win her back, but you're a long way from that right now.

Maynard Black

elovelesson.com

Tracking Website Visitors

I have a confession to make.  I am addicted to statcounter.

I have five different websites that I run, maintain, and track.  I can't help but be fascinated by who is looking at my websites, how they found them, and where they are from.  Yesterday I had a bunch of hits from Nova Scotia on one site, and a bunch from Costa Rica on another.  It's amazing that we can be so far away geographically and yet still be connected in some way.

Not only is this information "interesting" to me, it's also very useful.  Tracking how people find you is just as important as counting the number of hits you get each day, month, or year, etc.  The ability to see how people found your website gives you a bit of insight as to how to bring in more web traffic.

For instance, some people find the site through keyword searches from google, bing, yahoo, etc.  While others have found my site through the images that I post with my articles.  I can use that information to title my images better or title my posts better and drive in more site traffic.  A little information can go a long way.

Statcounter definitely provides the bang for your buck.  There are a lot of sites that will track information for you, but statcounter provides an amazing base level service for free.  The free service only goes so deep, so for more you would have pay for more reporting.  For instance, they will only track the last 100 hits on your site for free.  For more, you would need to upgrade your service.  

However, if you don't have a high traffic website and you just want to get started in tracking they have a great free service that will get you started and as your web traffic grows, they will grow with you.  The code is easy to install, and works instantly once you've updated the page on your server, FTP, blog account, etc.

If you are looking for a service to get you started, give them a try.  They include everything you could possibly want: keywords, referring links, duration, page loads, resolution, browser, operating system, city, state, country, and the list goes on.

I know this sounds like a commercial for statcounter, but they are not paying me for this article.  I just have had a great experience with their company and have gotten an amazing return on my minimal investment.

McGwire Admits to Using Steroids

Mark McGwire finally fessed up to not only using steroids, but to using steroids when he broke the single season home run record in 1998.  In reality, he only confirmed what all of us pretty much knew.

Technically he's not the record holder anymore, as I believe Barry Bonds (another reported steroid user who has yet to fess up to it) currently has the title.

So incredibly shameful.  Who do these assholes think they are?  He goes public NOW of all times, instead of admitting what he did.  Does he think we'll be more forgiving since more time has passed?

I know that his agenda is to be the hitting coach for the Cardinals, and so he felt the need to come clean but what about the millions of fans that he betrayed?  He didn't care about them then, and he doesn't care about them now.  This is just a publicity stunt to attempt to regain some of his dignity and work again.

My guess is that he's probably running low on money, now that it's been nine years since his retirement.  Drugs aren't cheap.  I wonder how much of his salary went to steroids?

In all fairness, here is his statement:

"I wish I had never touched steroids. It was foolish and it was a mistake. I truly apologize. Looking back, I wish I had never played during the steroid era."

I don't doubt that he believes that, but I think he believes it for the wrong reasons.  We're talking about a 12 year period that he used steroids from 1989 to 2001.  You don't use steroids for 12 years and then suddenly realize nine years after you retire that it was wrong.  He either knew that it was wrong then and did it anyway, or he simply didn't care.  Either way, he's still a giant douchebag for doing it and should never be forgiven for what he did.

I'm not a huge baseball fan, but I am still passionate about this subject.  It calls into question the legitimacy of the past 20 years of baseball.  All of his records should be stricken from the books.  He is an embarrassment to baseball and sports in general.  He should not be allowed back in as a coach or even as a stadium janitor.

How many home runs would Babe Ruth or Roger Maris have hit if they had been using steroids?  His and countless others stats are meaningless because of steroid use.

What is professional sports now?  Million dollar contracts, whining players, drug use...

This is what happens when the world is ruled by the almighty dollar.

"Rooney Rule" Out of Date?

The NFL has a rule that before a team can hire for senior football operations positions, they must first interview a minority candidate.

The rule is named after Steelers owner, Dan Rooney, who is also the chairman of the league's diversity committee.  The rule has come into question lately with the hiring of Mike Shanahan by the Washington Redskins and Pete Carroll by the Seattle Seahawks.

Supporters claim that both teams made a mockery of the rule while making decisions about their new head coaches.  The Redskins interviewed their secondary coach while the season was still underway, the position was still filled by Jim Zorn, and there were rumors that they were interested in Shanahan.

Did they break any rules?  No.  Was it a pretty sleazy way to work around the rules and hire whom they wanted? Yes.  In any case, it was pretty clear that they weren't interested in hiring anyone but Shanahan, and that's what upsets people.

The Seahawks pulled a similar move amid rumors that they had already reached a verbal agreement with USC coach Pete Carroll.  They offered to interview the defensive coordinator of the Minnesota Vikings, seemingly in order to fulfill the obligations of the rule but not with any intention of giving him a shot at the job.

The rule was created with the best of intentions in mind.  There weren't many minority coaches before 1979.  In fact there was just one.  At the time, our culture was still at a point where minorities were not given as much of a shot for any good jobs.

Affirmative action was needed in the 70's and so was the Rooney Rule.  The question is whether or not we need it now.

I'm not going to pretend like racism doesn't exist.  It does.  No matter what we do, there will always be groups of people that hate other groups of people.  I don't think we will ever reach a point where that isn't an issue.  However, I don't think the rule is a matter of whether or not racism exists.  The question is whether or not owners will hire a minority just because they gave them an interview.

Does forcing a team to interview a minority actually give them a shot at the position?  I tend to think that owners decide whom they want to fill senior football positions before an interview even takes place.  Football is not like working for other companies.

You typically don't have ten random people whom you've never heard of or met apply for a position.  The point of an interview is getting to know someone you don't know at all.  The world of professional football is not that large.

Besides that, owners are staking their team's reputation on the people that fill those head coach and general manager positions.  They're not going to give those positions to people they don't know just because they have a good interview one day.  They need to impress them with their whole package.  The candidate has to have a great track-record, impressive past performance, and have a philosophy that the owner is looking for.

The NFL is a pretty small town and not a lot goes down without everyone else knowing about it.

I understand that minorities should be given the same opportunities for employment as everyone else, but I don't think that owners are going to hire a minority because their hand was forced to interview them.  The owners are going to hire whom they want, regardless of whom they are forced to interview.

I don't think that there are more minority coaches now because of the Rooney Rule.  I think there are more minority coaches because our society has evolved and has become more accepting to all cultures.

Could the majority of people in the 50's imagine a Black President?  That's not to say that things are perfect now, but they have improved and will hopefully continue to get better.

No matter what, NFL team owners are going to continue to step around the Rooney Rule and hire whom they want.  They do own the team, after all and since most Americans want free enterprise, how can we say anything about it?

If we want to start controlling the actions of companies, then our society will have to adopt socialist or communist principles.  When you break it down, the only way to guarantee that everyone is treated equally is to bring them all down to the same level.  Capitalism ensures that companies will always be "for profit," not "for equality."

As long as there are people at the top and people at the bottom, there will always be a misuse of that power.  No flimsy stipulations, like the Rooney Rule, we put on them is going to change that.

"Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely." ~ Sir John Dalberg-Acton

Reading New Blogs

As much as I like to blog, I really don't have that many blogs that I actually read myself.  There's a few that I try to keep up on, but tend to forget rather frequently.

SHE in China, in particular, comes to mind because she has a very interesting blog about her experiences as a Swedish woman living in China.  Of course I regularly check ESPN's NFC West blog from Mike Sando.  Overall though,  there's probably only three or four that I try to check regularly.

I was thinking that I wanted to find more interesting blogs, but then it hit me that it would be difficult to find the time to read them.  Taking on a new blog is like taking on a new friend.  People say that you can never have too many friends, but the fact of the matter is that in order to keep a friend, you have to make time for them.

I realized that we all probably do something similar when we meet a potential new friend or run across a new blog.  We internally assess if this is something/someone we want to make time for.  I have come across a lot of blogs that I enjoyed reading, but I never went back.  The same goes for people.  I've met a lot of great people that I either lost touch with or met once and never contacted again.

One thing that I think we constantly underestimate is how valuable our time is.  We typically hold it in pretty high regard when it comes to allocating it to other people, yet we can waste an entire morning sitting around watching infomercials on TV.

Nevertheless, we all value our time and it takes a minute out of your day to stop by and read my blog.  So thank you for reading!

Seahawks Fire Jim Mora - Courting Pete Carroll

The Seattle Seahawks fired Jim Mora today. The first Seahawks coach ever to have been fired after only one season. While I agree that the team needed change, I still feel bad for Mora and I hope that he gets another chance to coach a team in the NFL again.

He spent three seasons coaching the Atlanta Falcons, taking them to the NFC Championship and an 11-5 record his first year. He was dismissed from that job because of public comments he made to the media about coaching in Seattle. Essentially that it was his "dream job." That didn't go over so well with the Falcons owner.

Sadly, today his "dream job" ended after one horrible year, riddled with injuries, and frankly, a roster that might not have competed well against the PAC-10.

I like Mora. That being said, the Seahawks need a hard ass for a coach. The Seahawks need toughness. Even under their "glory years" under Mike Holmgren, they were still a soft team. They have that reputation around the league for a reason. They didn't get it by "cracking skulls and kicking ass." The 'Hawks need a coach like Mike Singletary to come in and start kicking asses and getting people in line.

San Francisco is no longer considered a "finesse" team. When teams play the 49ers now, they know that it will be a bloody battle to the end. Seattle needs someone who can come in and instill that kind of toughness in the players.

The current story is that the Seahawks are pursuing USC coach Pete Carroll. I don't really follow college football, so I really can't say if I think that would be a good move or not. I do know that USC has been a pretty good football team over the past couple years, and at least in part, due to Carroll.

It will be interesting to see how this plays out.

How to Get Your Girlfriend Back - The Series - Part 2

In the first segment we discussed how you got to where you are. I discussed the most likely scenario behind why you got dumped in the first place. However, I didn’t talk about the second most common scenario, which is where you dumped her and then a short time later decided you wanted her back and now she won’t have you.

If this is the situation for you, then it is going to be even tougher than it is for the guy who got dumped because he was a pussy. Either way, the root issue is trust, but that doesn’t mean she’ll take you back the same.

You see, women are okay when they are the flaky ones changing their minds. A guy who once was a pussy at least has the possibility of proving himself otherwise at some point in the future. Although he may never get that chance, it at least is a possibility. After all, the woman may find herself in the same situation that you are in and realize that breaking up with the pussy was a bad decision in the first place. More than likely, the pussy will take her back. For one, he’s a pussy and second, women change their minds all the time and guys typically are okay with that (even though they shouldn’t be, but that’s an entirely different post).

If you broke up with her, you probably won’t get her back. I hate to be the person who has to bring you this bad news, but it most likely won’t happen for a number of reasons. That is not to say that you can’t try. You’re clearly more than welcome to, but you need to psychologically prepare yourself for this reality so you’re not completely devastated when it doesn’t happen.

The first thing is that if you broke up with her, she no longer has trust in you. Women need their men to be a rock. They need to know that they can count on them to be a man when they need one. That means everything from killing spiders to being the leader/protector in most situations. You can’t be that guy if you’re a flaky asshole who doesn’t know what he wants.

Secondly, if you broke up with her, it’s because you wanted to chase some other tail. You either wanted to pursue someone else or you were cheating on her with the person you left her for. Either way, she can’t trust you because you’re a cheating douche-bag. You are. Own it. That’s your reality.

If you’ve broken that sacred trust, you have little or no chance to gain it back. In the VERY unlikely situation that she does take you back, it probably won’t last that long because she will still have lingering trust issues with you. I’m sorry brother, that’s just reality.

That being said, there is always a chance for you. As much as I hate to give you false hope, there is always the possibility that you might do everything right, and that she is still in love with you and willing to give you another shot. However, you need to be doing and saying the right things.

Regardless of whether you broke up with her or if she broke up with you, you need to do one thing first. You need to stop focusing on her and shift that focus on yourself. I’m going to talk about exactly what you need to do in part 3 of this series.


Maynard Black
elovelesson.com

How to Deal With Death - Coping With the Loss of a Loved One

I attended a funeral today. That sentence peaks your excitement doesn’t it? I don’t think anyone has ever started off an amazingly fun story with the line, “I attended a funeral today.”

Unless the next line happens to be, “We got wasted and dressed up like clowns. It was a blast,” chances are it’s not going to be an uplifting story. Come to think of it, dressing up like clowns and getting wasted probably isn’t uplifting either. However, that’s probably a damn good story.

I wish it was my real experience and not made up.

Nobody enjoys attending a funeral, but sometimes it can be a great experience in the sense that it brings family together and allows you to celebrate the life of someone you love.

I did actually attend a funeral today and during the Eulogy, given by the son, he thanked everyone for coming to celebrate the life of his father. That struck a chord with me and brought a tear to my eye. I had never really thought about it like that before.

My mindset has always been that funerals are for mourning the dead. That it was just a gathering of people who miss someone who has passed. It never occurred to me that this was a time that we could all celebrate the wonderful moments of someone’s life.

Sure, I’ve heard people say similar things to me before, but for some reason hearing this in the middle of the service really turned on a light-bulb for me.

Of course you can still miss someone and be sad about the fact that you won’t be able to see them again, but thinking about the wonderful things they did in their life and appreciating who they were instead of dwelling on my own personal loss seemed to really make a lot of sense.

After all, mourning is a very selfish thing. It involves you and only you. It revolves around what you had and being upset that you don’t have them anymore. Whomever they were, they didn’t belong to just you. Other people knew them and miss them too.

Why not gather and celebrate what you all have in common? You all loved this person for a reason. What are those reasons? What amazing things did they do and how did they touch your life? Share those stories and appreciate the better person you’ve become because of them.

I’m sure some people will read this and think, “Well duh, everyone knows this.” Well, I didn’t. I think I might have known it in concept, but not in practice.

I lost a good friend in high school in a car accident, my cousin was murdered, my grandmother recently passed, my cat had a stroke and was put to sleep, and now a family figure head on my mother’s side is gone.

Up until today, I had been very selfish about death. I’ve been very inwardly drawn and not very open about how I felt about it. I selfishly mourned alone and dwelled on what I personally have lost. They all touched many lives and I needed to appreciate that fact. I needed to celebrate what they not only brought to my life, but to everyone’s lives.

The people that we have lost will be a part of our lives for as long as we are here. We need to not dwell on our personal loss but to celebrate what they brought to the world. In that, they really do get to continue living on as a part of our lives.

How to Make Money From Blogging

Blogging for money is not easy to do and takes a lot of time/work to make happen.  I have been reading up lately on some people that are able to do it.

It takes the dedication of updating your blog content on a regular basis (which is a daunting task in itself!), and being smart about your blog choices and advertising.  Your income from blogging is going to come from advertising.  There is just no way around it. 

I know that we all want to be idealists and not have to sell ourselves like that, but the fact remains that we live in a capitalist society and if you want money from your blog, that's what you have to do.

I currently only run adsense on my blog, but there are a lot of other options.  I'm thinking about mixing things up and trying some different options.  Here is a problogger post on this topic that might help you out.

The other things you need to think about are naming, design, content, and hosting options.  It's tough to figure out what people are going to want to read about and what they'll click on to get to your website.  You have to come up with content that people want to read and make your site easy to navigate.  Here's an excellent blog post from Christian PF on this topic. 

If it is something you want, then definitely go for it.  Just be prepared for the fact that you have your work cut out for you.

Life Will Never Be Fair

Everyone has to deal with disrespect on a regular basis. In a society, there are always going to be people who automatically treat you with respect and those who don't. The question is how do you deal with those people that don't?

Every morning on the way into work someone cuts me off. I'm pretty sure that I am not alone. There are those that get "road rage" and those who simply let it roll off. The fact of the matter is that the person who cut you off, actually is disrespecting you. They are showing a complete lack of understanding for anyone else around them. Still, you have the choice to get upset or to ignore the situation and move on.

The same thing goes for every other aspect of life. There are always going to be people who will not respect you, whether they are face to face, on the phone, or in a car. Some people just do not see the need to show respect to anyone else. While the majority of us would agree that kind of behavior is unacceptable, who is going to enforce it?

There's no rule book in life that we have to follow, saying that we need to be nice to everyone. As a matter of fact, many people interpret niceness as weakness. You're not going to get a response from a police officer when you report someone being rude to you. They just don't care. Why? Well for starters, it's not against the law. As the old saying goes: "Life isn't fair." We don't have to treat people with respect if we don't want to. No one owes you anything.

We expect a certain amount of respect only because of our social expectations taught to us through our parents and social experiences. We learn how to treat people based on how people respond to us and how we see people treating each other. We all have a built in gauge for human interaction that we don't even realize is there. With every interaction we are gauging response reactions and deciding how much we like this person. There's really a spectrum of positive, neutral, negative and a lot of gray area in between.

It's strange how we do this without thinking about it. We only know that we like someone or dislike them. We rarely are self-aware enough to see this process in action. We typically only understand it in retrospect.

"I really liked him. He was funny and really nice."

"Well, I don't like him anymore. I think because he did this, this, and that...."

So what happens when someone fails our expected level of respect? We get angry, offended, and some of us will do anything we can to get back at them for it. Unfortunately, "getting back" at someone usually has the opposite effect that we want. Our goal by getting back at them is to teach them a lesson, right? Do they ever learn that lesson when you do? Nope. Instead, they get even more upset back at you and attempt to retaliate in the same or worse way than you did initially.

That's why you see so many disagreements and fights literally start over nothing and escalate until they are out of control. So how do we control the situation so that it doesn't get to that point?

One of my favorite movie quotes of all time sums it all up: "Control is an illusion, you infantile ego-maniac. Nobody knows what's going to happen next." ~Nicole Kidman as Dr. Lewicki in Days of Thunder

No truer words were ever spoken. We all want to control things that are out of our control. Some times we just have to let go and let things roll off even if we can't agree or see the fairness in it. Life isn't fair and we just have to accept that it will always be that way.

Maynard Black's Guilty Pleasures

I just realized that I am a blogging fiend. While I may not post every day, I do enjoy blogging and actually have four different blogs now. I had five, but I deleted one that I started and never followed through on.

I suppose it's not that strange given the fact that I love to write and would love to be a freelance writer full time. I have also written a couple of ebooks that I sell on my website, www.elovelesson.com. So here are my four guilty pleasures:

www.elovelesson.com - A website and blog aimed at helping people (specifically men) in relationships, dating, love, break-ups, and divorce.

www.maynardblack.net - A place for me to post my random thoughts and showcase the freelance writing that I've done.

www.drheckle.net - A blog where I post funny and interesting pictures I find on the internet with my own unique captions.

www.clankickass.blogspot.com - A nerdtastic website for my video gaming clan, where members share strategies, tactics, etc.

So there you have it! All of my secret guilty pleasures that I thoroughly enjoy no matter how dorky they may be to others.

This is me. I am this.

Motivation to Work

What is it about the thought of going to work that completely eliminates any motivation you had to do so in the first place?

I have found that if I want to be completely unmotivated to actually do any work (as in with/for my employer), all I have to do is think about it.  Just the thought of trekking into the office in the morning has removed any ambition I could or would have had to do so in the first place.

Why is it that the one place where we are required to work (in order to get paid anyway), is the one place that we least want to do it?  I think that fits the definition of irony.

I suppose it has to do with the fact that we have limited choice in the matter.  No one likes to be told that they HAVE to do something, even if it's themselves that is doing the telling.  Humans, by nature, seem to not want to be told what to do.

How many times have you told yourself to exercise and not did it?  We can't even listen to ourselves.

So then, what does it take to be motivated?  Does everyone just "buck up" and do things when they don't want to?  Save professional athletes and the wealthy upper crust, does everyone hate their jobs?

Sometimes it's hard to motivate myself to do things that I actually want to do.

I started work for a new company just a tad over three months ago and I am officially sick of it.  I don't want to go into work and deal with the people, the hassles, the deadlines...

For the first couple months I actually enjoyed it.  It's a job that fits my skillset perfectly.  For the most part, the people really aren't that bad.  However, I'm tired of it already.

A couple days ago I had an epiphany.  I'm never going to like working for anyone else, ever.  It doesn't matter how great the job is and how perfect the scenario is, it will never make me happy.  I realized that even if I got a promotion and worked directly for the VP, I would still be miserable.  Even if I were to take over the VP's job, I would still be stressed out and unhappy in my work.

Why?  Even the VP has to answer to the President of the company and bend over backwards whenever necessary.  Then the President has to answer to the share-holders, the board, and the President of the parent company.  It never ends.  No matter what, I would always be working for someone else.

As great as the benefits and everything that comes along with my job is...it will never make me happy.  The only way I will be happy is if I am working for myself.

How do you get motivated to work?  When you work for yourself.  I used to have my own company.  That's what I need to do again.